


Never Mind the Future

by morewinepls



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Anorexia, Blood, Bulimia, Cigarettes, Depression, Domestic Violence, Eating Disorders, F/F, Force Feeding, Mental Illness, Mild Gore, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Self Harm, Sexual Abuse, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, graphic decription of self harm, graphic description of abuse, graphic description of eating disorders, graphic description of mental illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-06-04 06:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6645142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morewinepls/pseuds/morewinepls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meet Emma Swan. A nineteen years old patient at Storybrooke's hospital for the mentally insane. Or how she calls it: home.<br/>Enter Regina Mills, a seventeen years old with extreme mental issues.</p><p>Naturally, they don't really get along. Or do they? <br/>Can they save each other from themselves?</p><p>Please read all the trigger warnings in the tags!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She's fifteen when they send her to a doctor. Just a check-up, they said. She hadn't known what was wrong with her. (She still doesn't. but let's pretend that she does.) Words like  _delusional_ and  _crazy_ and  _please help us_ had flown out of these imposters mouths. These people who claim to be her parents.

Please..She had figured out long ago that she didn't have parents. These people didn't care.

No. Emma Swan was an orphan.

 _Delusional,_ they had called her.  _Unstable._

But she wasn't, was she?

Was she?

 

She had been sixteen when she had attacked her so-called mother. And so she had ben sixteen when they had admitted her to the mental hospital. She had been furious in the beginning. She had fought, struggled, broken rules and been disobedient.

It had earned her quite the number of days in isolation.

Not that she had cared. 

Had she?

 

She's 18 when she finally considers the hospital her home. When she considers the other patients her friends and family.

She doesn't consider Mary Margaret and David her parents, though.

They had tried to convince her by DNA results, by birthmarks, by pictures of them together as she grew up. But she didn't believe them.

she was an orphan.

She was.

 

"Emma, you're late!"  The now-nineteen years old blonde startled when her best friend barged into her room. She had no idea what time it was, except that it was late for well, something.

"Rubes, what are you talking about?"

Ruby raised an eyebrow. "You're late for your meds. Come on, everyone's already had them. Blue isn't going to be happy!"

Okay, so Blue (also known as Mother Superior) was someone that Emma  _didn't_ concider a friend. Nor family. Blue was a bitch. A too religious bitch who expected everyone to pray before any meal.

Not a chance.

They did it anyways.

Ruby and she always sat together during meals, seeing that they were best friends and keeping each other calm, the guards had let them. They had been worried at first, keeping a good eye on them. Of course they would. A delusional who thinks she's a werewolf and a delusional who's quite aggressive  _may_ cause some trouble. 

Ruby dragged Emma by the arm back to the main hall where Blue was tapping her foot, clearly irritated that her schedule of today got messed up, even if only slightly. The woman was nothing if not punctual.

Giving an, albeit goofy, yet apologizing smile, Emma quickly took her meds and made her way over to where Ruby was already shuffling cards. She was hyper, the blonde noticed. The lanky brunette's leg wildly bouncing even though she's sitting and the constant moving of her bare feet.

Emma looked at her own sock-clad feet. Shoes weren't allowed inside. Neither were bare feet, since it was 'unhygienic', but Ruby was a special case. Werewolf, you see. 

The blonde wiggled her toes before sitting down on the chaise opposite to Ruby, who quickly devided the cards and put a large stack in the middle.

"So." She said after a while, capturing Emma's attention. "How was your session with Hopper this morning?"

Emma huffed. "Same as always. Talking about my childhood." She rolled her eyes.

Ruby just nodded before laying down a card. Emma topped the card with her own, distracted. 

"There's a new girl." Ruby said then. Emma's head snapped up.

"What?"

"You haven't heard? Apparently she's a real loony."

"You are too." Emma snarked.

"We all are. I'm just telling you what I've heard. Some say she murdered someone, because she's in isolation."

"She would be in prison had she murdered someone." Emma reasoned. 

"Yeah.... She could have hurt someone, though. Or she might hurt someone. Remember Victor?"

They both cringed at the name.

Victor had been so convinced that he was a doctor, that he'd even performed a surgery on his sleeping roommate.

Roommates were forbidden ever since, and Victor had been put into a psych ward somewhere North of the country. 

"..How long has she been here?" 

Ruby shrugged. "Dunno. I heard she arrived yesterday. No one's seen her. Some claim they have, but I don't believe them."

Emma nodded and shuffled her cards.

"When will we see her?"

"Dunno." Ruby said again. Emma just sighed.

 

Later that day, Emma couldn't concentrate. Apparently, everyone was talking about this new patient. After all, it wasn't often that a newbie arrived.

She was supposed to be making homework, (because you still need education, Emma!), but her mind was far away from her literature essay.  She could hear them talking. The patients and the nurses. She couldn't understand them. What were they saying? It didn't make any sense!

Trying to focus on her paper, she peered back at her laptop screen and flexed her fingers, exhaling slowly.

She could do this.

She could focus.

concentrate.

Finish her essay.

...

No she couldn't.

She angrily saved her progress before slamming her laptop shut, causing some patients to jump. She pretended not to notice as she made her way to her room. 

"Emma, where are you going?" Kathryn, a younger, blonde nurse asked as she stopped the fuming girl.

"To my room. Lemme pass."

"It's recreation, Emma. You aren't allowed to go to your room now. You know that.. Why don't you tell me what's wrong, hm? "

Emma chuckled humorlessly.

"You're barely older than I am. I don't need to listen to you."

"Yes, you do." Kathryn said with a sigh.  "Come on, let's get you back to the main hall."

"No. Let me go to my room. I'm going to sleep."

"You can go back to your room in about fourty minutes. But now, Emma Swan, you have to be in the main hall. Where  _everyone_ is."

Emma couldn't help herself.

"Except for the new girl." She snarked, ignoring the way Kathryn's eyes darkened a bit. "So, not 'everyone' is there. And neither will I be there. Now lemme go. I'm tired."

Kathryn reluctantly let the blonde pass, knowing that she'd likely have a fit if she would be kept from her room.

shaking her head, Kathryn made her way back to the hall.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**First of all, I do NOT wish to offend anyone. Yes, my writing is crude, but not my opinion. Just the character's!**

**Disclaimer on the characters and Once Upon a Time. They do not belong to me.**

* * *

 

It was a little over three weeks later when Emma saw her for the first time. The girl everyone had been talking about.

To be honest, she was everything the blonde had thought she wasn't.

Emma had imagined someone vicious and violent. Someone big and strong and most definately, someone older.

This girl who she saw, she wasn't a dangerous person to anyone but herself.

 

Blue was pointing out some things in the main hall where everyone was not-so-subtly staring at the newbie. The girl only nodded, eyes cast downwards and her too bony arms wrapped around her middle.

She was dressed in the same outfit as everyone else:a beige, woolen cardigan that hung loosely from her frame, a blue-greyish  gown that reached her knees, and socks. The girl's socks were the hospital's, Emma noticed. She knew from experience that they were itchy as hell.

"Everyone!" Blue spoke up, causing the small brunette to flinch. "This is our new patient, Regina."

Regina kept her eyes glued to the ground as everyone began talking. Many repeating her name, other's commenting about her appearance.

Yes, Regina was  clearly fucked in the head.

Blue spoke to the tiny brunette in a hushed voice before leaving the girl by herself. She looked panicked, eyes flying around the room as people kept staring at her. She tightened her arms around herself and slowly made her way over to the nearest corner.  Everyone's eyes were on her as she sat down on the mauve fauteuil near the piano. She tucked her feet beneath herself and curled up, fidgeting slightly as if she couldn't get comfortable.

Seeing how thin she was, she probably couldn't. Imagine sitting on your bones, having no fat to cushion them.. Auch.

After ten minutes or so, no one had walked up to her yet, though many wanted to. A new patient could mean a new friend, but it could also mean a new bully. They'd had a lot of those over the years. Killian had been one of those. He was a schizofrenic who was, well...sexually inapropriate. On top of that very violent. Yeah, most of the time he couldn't help it, but he was a bully all the same.

Emma glanced at the large, digital clock above the entrance. 5:18 pm, the bright red numbers told her. Dinner would start in twelve minutes. She smiled to herself. Every Thursday was mac 'n cheese night. One of the blonde's favorites! 

Ruby suddenly plopped down on the chair next to her, causing her to smile. "Hey Rubes." She said before moving her gaze back to the new girl.

"Hi.. That's her?" The brunette whispered harshly. She hadn't been present when Mother Superior had told everyone the girl's name.

"Yep. Her name's Regina." She turned back to Ruby. "How'd it go?"

Ruby scoffed and started to mumble about her therapy session, but the blonde wasn't really paying attention to it. Instead she focused on the small figure that was slowly making it's way over to where Regina was sitting. It was Henry.

Henry was the youngest resident. He was only eleven, being admitted at age ten. Just like Emma, he was delusional. He believed everyone in here to be a fairytale character. Excluding himself. According to him, Emma was the Savior, Snow White's and prince Charming's True Love child. And Ruby was Red Riding Hood. Because of him, almost everyone had a fairytale nickname. Like Granny. She was head of the kitchen. Or one of the nurses, Tina. Henry believed her to be Tinkerbell. Dr. Hopper, his therapist was Jiminy Cricket. Something Emma always kept in the back of her head when she had a session with the man. It made things... Lighter, in this nut house.

Ruby had stopped talking, also fixated on the boy. Regina was looking at him warily, causing him to smile awkwardly. Once close enough to her, the little brunet stuck out his hand and waited for Regina to shake it. When she didn't, he sighed loudly, pretending to be very upset about it.

"I'm Henry." He said cheerfully. "..You look sad. Why are you sad? You just got home?"

Regina frowned and moved further into the fauteuil. 

"The Blue Fairy said your name is Regina." He continued, suddenly chipper. "That makes you a queen!"

"What are you talking about?"  The brunette asked, voice soft and hoarse.

"You're the queen! Don't deny it! I know you are! You're in the book, see?!"  He raced off towards the table that he'd been sitting at and ran back to Regina, a large, leather covered book tucked firmly under his arms. He practically threw it on the girl's lap and quickly started turning the worn pages. 

"Here!" He exlaimed and pointed at a blank page.

Emma sighed.

So, this book Henry's so obsessed about, was just a blank book. But to the boy it was magical. According to him,  _everything_ in it had happened. He saw pictures and stories and so much more on those pages, but other's saw just...nothing.

Regina, being new, had of course no idea what to do. Usually everyone just played along, knowing that Henry was happy living his world.

"T-there's nothing there." The brunette whispered, brows knitted together.

"Don't be silly, Regina!" The boy laughed loudly, causing Regina to flinch.

"Ah! Henry, there you are!" A friendly voice interrupted the encounter, much to Regina;s relief.

"Tink!" He hopped over to her and gave her a hug, the short blonde ruffling his hair. "Did you bring more pixie dust?" He almost whispered it.

Tink nodded, and fished in her pocket to take out a small plastic jar with pink-colored sugar in it.

Henry was amazed.

"Awesome! Thanks, Tink!" He leaned closer to her. "I'll help you get back to Neverland. I promise!" Before Tink could even react, Henry had already gone back to Regina. He picked up his book, kissed her cheek and walked away with a cheerful "Bye, Regina!"

The brunette stared at Henry in shock, and Emma felt the need to go over and explain what had just happened. God, she must be so confused. But instead of her, it was Tink that walked over, explaining Henry's behavior to her in hushing tones, but keeping her distance from the brunette. Emma wanted to know why.

She'd always been a curious little shit.

Regina said something to Tink that Emma didn't catch, but Tink helped the girl up and wrapped an arm around her as they walked out of the hall quite rapidly. Emma noticed how Regina was practically being carried.

 _No wonder._ She thought.  _That girl must be below 40 kilograms._

Yes, Regina was most definately anorexic. But who knows if that had been the reason for her hospitalization.

It wasn't long after that before the bell went off, inficating that dinner was ready.

Of course, Regina was nowhere to be seen.


	3. Chapter 3

**Massive trigger warning for graphic description of anorexia and bulimia in this chapter! If this triggers you, please do not** **read!**

 

* * *

 

_Yes, Regina was most definately anorexic. But who knows if that had been the reason for her hospitalization._

_It wasn't long after that before the bell went off, inficating that dinner was ready._

_Of course, Regina was nowhere to be seen._

* * *

 

 

Dinner was a loud affair. It always was. Patients yelling at each other or eating from other people's plates.  There were patients who didn't even know what was being served, causing them to be extremely irritated no matter how many times someone told them that it was mac 'n cheese.

Quieting everyone down for their prayers took long enough for  _everyone_ to get annoyed. Especially Blue.

They'd made a game out of it once. Everyone would keep talking and talking until Blue lost her cool and started yelling, spit flying around and face bright red. It would  _never_ happen again, seeing that their punishments had absolutely NOT been worth it. An entire week not being allowed to go outside had been like torture. On top of that, no dessert for a month. A bloody month!

It was only halfway during dinner that the doors opened slightly and Regina and Tink emerged. Regina had obviously been crying. Her eyes red and puffy. Just like before, her eyes were glued to the ground while Tink half-carried  her.

Normally, patients and staff were separated, both eating at different tables.  _No exceptions._ So why did Tink lead Regina to the staff table? Everyone had their own spot at the table.  Tink sat next to nurse Kathryn and opposite to nurse Mal. So when Regina got seated on Tink's spot, she had nowhere to sit. Regina said something to her, but Emma couldn't catch what it was, the patient's too loud and Regina too far away to read her lips. Ruby elbowed her in the ribs when it was their turn to get food. Table per table, that was the rule. patients first. Ten patients at each table. Table one first, table four last. That were the rules. Guards stood at each table. walkies strapped to their belts.

After the patients had started eating, the staff would go, also table per table, just to keep everything in order.

Regina was seated at the fifth and last staff table. When Emma returned with a place full of mac 'n cheese, she looked in her direction, and saw that Tink had found a plastic chair. She was sitting at the head of the table. Regina and Mal on the ends.

It took fifteen long minutes before everyone had food and was eating. Emma wolved down her portion and got up for another one, Ruby following her hot on her tail.

 

Meanwhile, Tink and Mal were doing everything they could to get Regina to eat. To drink even, but all the girl did was glare at her plate, swallowing hard ever so often.

"Please, Regina. We know it's your first day out of isolation. And you're probably exhausted." Mal said. "But do you really want us to give you the feeding tube again?"

Regina instantly paled. Since the minute that she had been taken to the mental hospital, she had fought. She had screamed and yelled and cried and begged to please let her go. No one had listened. They had tied her down by her wrists and ankles to a hospital bed and gave her light sedatives. They'd given her a local anesthesia in her right nostril before forcing that wretched tube all the way down her stomach. Oh, how she had screamed once the happy sedatives had worn off. She had tugged at the tubes until her nose had started bleeding and she had started dry heaving. No, she didn't want that again. Not after gaining almost four kilograms in just three weeks. No way.  Before being transferred here, she had been in the hospital for much, much longer.

From one prison to another.

At least she was away from home now...

"You can't do that." Regina snapped, voice cracking only slightly. Gods, how she longed for just a sip of water. It was right in front of her... No, she wasn't going to give in. Tearing her eyes away from the glass, she leveled Mal with an equal stare.

"What makes you think we can't?"

"I have the right to make that decision. I'm not mentally incapable of making choices, no matter how much you want me to be."

"Regina." Tink said with a soft sigh after swallowing the bite that she just took. Regina's stomach churned even at the mere thought of consuming any sort of food. "We do not want to take your rights away. We can't. Bu-"

"You already did that. "Regina snapped as she tugged the ends of her sleeves more over her palms.

"You left us no choice." Mal said. "You weighed little over 30 kilograms and hadn't eaten for two weeks and five days. Not to mention that you were seriously dehydrated, even after the fluids you had at the hospital. So no, Regina, we didn't take your rights away then. You couldn't even think."

"Because you drugged me." Regina said with a frown, suddenly lightheaded and nauseous. The greasy smell was all around her and god, she wanted to vomit.

"Are you alright?"

"Just fine." She lied. "Please just.. stop talking. I'm forced to talk with someone often enough, so please  _shut up."_

Tink just sighed. It was then that Kathryn spoke up. 

"If you'll drink that entire glass of water, and take one bite of your dinner, you are allowed to go to your room after dinner."

"Where else would I go?" Regina huffed. She folded her arms tightly around her, trying to mask her shaking.

"Back to the main hall. It's Thursday, meaning that all the rooms will we searched and cleaned."

"But since your room is freshly cleaned and you haven't slept there yet, no one will come in." Mal said, jumping in on Kathryn's plan.

"So. One glass of water and one single bite and you can go straight to your room and won't be bothered. Or nothing and social interaction. It will be a couple of hours before you can go to your room."

Regina paled further.

"Y-You're seriously threatening me? If I eat nothing, you're going to force a panic attack on me?! What kind of nurses are you!?"

She got the attention of more staff members, but right now she was too hungry, too tired and too frustrated to care.

"The kind that wants you to be healthy." Mal deadpanned. "So eat. Then you're free to go."

Regina glared at the tall blonde before quickly taking a small bite and washing it away with the water. Before anyone could even say something, she'd already gotten up. Regina steadied herself for a small moment, willing her head to stop spinning, before she rushed out of the dining hall, Kathryn right behind her.

"Regina!" She called after her. She caught up quickly. Regina was weaker, not to mention tinier. Kathryn held the trembling and panting girl by the arms as she waited fot the brunette's breath to return to normal. 

"You- You told me you'd leave me be!"

"I did. But you don't know the way to your room. Come on."

Regina snatched her arm from Kathryn's gently grip and started walking slightly behind the blonde. She was nauseous. So fucking nauseous. Her stomach was turning around like a washing machine and her mouth tasted awful. She wanted, no,  _needed_ to vomit.

Her sock-clad feet padded rhythmically as she walked. Kathryn kept glancing at her.

Probably to make sure that she hadn't fainted, or something like that.

It didn't matter why she did it. It annoyed her.

After what seemed to be too long, they finally reached her room. Room 1.22. Kathryn opened the door with her key that hung around her neck, and opened the door.

Regina hadn't been in her room yet.  But it was nothing like she'd expected. The walls were grey, only one of them painting white. There was a sink with a mirror, a small desk, a nightstand, a bed, and a chair. A pillow and blanket covered her desk, waiting to be used. There was a large window, but much to the brunette's dismay, the only way to open it, was to break the glass. And even if you managed to do that, there was a large, wired fence in front of it.

Regina sighed and dismissed the blonde, who left after quickly telling her to use the doorstop should she use the bathroom, since without a key, you couldn't open the doors from the outside.

After the brunette's solemn nod, the blonde nurse left.

Immediately, Regina went to the sink and didn't think twice before plunging two fingers deep down her throat. She shut her eyes tightly as she felt herself gag once. Twice. Three times before the water and the tiny amount of food came up. She quickly washed everything away and cleaned her hands and mouth. She felt immediately better.

With tears forming in her eyes, she looked around the tiny room. This was her life now, wasn't it? To be trapped in this nut house and being force fed by people who thought they were doing right by her.

But they weren't. No, they were only causing more damage.

 _They can't fix me._ Regina thought furiously as she made her bed and started on her suitcase that they had moved here.   _They can't._

She didn't even notice when exactly she had started to cry. But when wet drops landed on the books she had just unpacked, the dams broke. Why had she failed? She had been so thorough! She shouldn't have woken!

Now here she was, screaming in rage because of the unfairness of it all. She didn't care about who could hear her as she started to hit the wall, as she threw the chair across the room. She didn't care.

She didn't even notice that someone had barged into her room until strong arms circled her and pinned her to the ground, causing her to scream louder. She didn't know how many people there were in her room. She didn't understand what was happening. She didn't know why her gown was being liften until, mercifully, everything went black.


	4. Chapter 4

_She didn't even notice that someone had barged into her room until strong arms circled her and pinned her to the ground, causing her to scream louder. She didn't know how many people there were in her room. She didn't understand what was happening. She didn't know why her gown was being liften until, mercifully, everything went black._

* * *

 

She woke up with her head pounding. Worse than usual. With a small groan, she lifted her right hand to comb it through her raven hair, only to find out that she couldn't. Frowning, she looked down, trying to sit up. Nope, she couldn't do that either. Shit. Regina cursed loudly, probably every word she knew. She was tied down to her bed and was starting to panic.

"Whoa, there." A gentle voice caught the brunette's attention. Her head snapping to the left, she saw the blonde nurse that she had seen during dinner. She was sitting in a chair next to her, though leaving enough space between them.

"Why am I tied down?' Regina asked. The words barely made it past her lips before she was coughing. The nurse got up and tipped a glass of water to her lips. She didn't drink any of it, though she was very tempted. 

The blonde nurse sighed as she sat down again, crossing her long, elegant legs.

"You threw quite the fit." The blonde said, a teeny tiny smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. "Broke a chair. And your right hand."

Regina looked at her right hand and only now realized that it was bandaged, blood seeping through at her knuckles. Suddenly aware of how much it hurt, she grimaced.

The nurse looked at her curiously.  "We still have to re-bandage that."

Regina just shook her head.

"Why are you here?"

"To make sure you don't have any nasty after effects from the sedative we gave you last night."

"Well I don't. You can go." The brunette whispered.

The nurse sighed. "You gonna try anything?"

"No?" The blonde got up and gently untied the young patient. Regina kept her eyes trained on the blonde. Once free from the leather straps, she sat up, rubbing her face with her left hand. She was shaking, her blood sugar extremely low.  She startled when a cool hand landed on her forehead, causing her to flinch away from the touch. The hand persisted though.

"Hm." The nurse said as she retracted her hand. "You're a bit feverish." 

"I'm fine."

"I'm going to get you some fluids."

"No!"

"Why not?" The blonde asked, clearly not amused.

"Because I say so. I have the right to say no."

The blonde huffed. "That entire 'it's my right' thing won't work on me. I'm a nurse. I'm here to make you better, whether you want me to or not. So when I'm going to give you fluids before you  _die_ of dehydration, I'm going to give them. You're a minor. You don't have as much to say as you think you do."

Regina just stared at her before getting up shakily. She swung her legs over the edge of the hospital bed, wincing a bit as her frail legs hit the metal edge.

"Who are you?" She asks then. "Why isn't one of my own nurses here. Why you?" Kathryn had explained that every patient had their own team of nurses, psychiatrists and psychologists. So why was there suddenly a new nurse?

"My name is Mallory. Most people call me Mal. Or Maleficent, if you ask Henry." The blonde chuckled softly at the mention of the young boy. Her smile disappeared when Regina attempted to stand. 

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Bathroom. Or do you need to hold my hand for that?" The brunette sassed. "I'm 17. I don't need a babysitter."

"what are you going to do in the bathroom?" The blonde asked with narrowed eyes.

"Shower." She said, visibly irritated. "I'm tired of bathing."

"Fine. I'll come with you. I'll page nurse Tina, too."

"Why?"

"you can't shower alone. Those are the rules. Just because you could bathe in privacy in isolation, doesn't mean you suddenly get completely freedom in the bathroom, no matter why you go there."

"So even when I have to brush my teeth,-"

"You'll be escorted."

Regina crossed her arms. "Then why was I left alone after dinner yesterday? With free access to the bathroom?"

Mal shook her head. "A stupid mistake. Won't happen again. Nurse Kathryn got quite a lecture from Mother Superior."

Wrapping her arms tightly around her middle, Regina averted her eyes from the blonde. This was humiliating. The body she hated on display for nurses to see. She was nearly an adult. She should have a say in this... Asking for mother's help wouldn't be the best of ideas either.

"So. Still want that shower now?" Mal asked as she studied the tiny girl. "You don't have anything today except for food education at three. So, the day is yours to fill in as you please. Well, the recreations, that is."

"...Shower now is fine. Just- please look away?"

Mal nodded. "If that's what you wish."

"It is." Regina whispered, swallowing the bile that rose in her throat. She was suddenly feeling faint. Nausea crashing over her in waves, whitening her already-pale skin.

"I'll make sure the bathroom's free and then I'll come to collect you, alright? You can...Prepare, for your shower. I'll be back in five to ten minutes. And  _don't try anything._ "

The brunette just nodded.

"I'll be good."

The way Regina voiced the words made Mal shiver. Making a mental note of it to brief to dr. Hopper later, she quickly made her way out of the room, leaving Regina by herself.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Today was a bad day.

This morning she had spilled her orange juice over herself, and her 'parents' had come to visit her. They always did on Saturdays. After their visit, dr. Hopper had requested an appointment. Just a check-in after seeing her parents, he had told her.

Well, that had been a lie. Okay, not completely, because her 'mom' and 'dad' had indeed been the main topic of their conversation. But with that the ginger man had given her a subtle lecture about behavior towards the staff. That just because she has more freedom than other patients, it doesn't mean that she can do however she pleases.

Psht, as if she doesn't know that. Yes, she may have been a little bit rude towards the staff members, but in her defense, they were annoying her, too. Hopper had just sighed and had ended the session, saying he had other patients to see.

 

So here she was, tapping her foot rapidly, sitting on the edge of her bed. The blonde was impatiently waiting for the recreation to begin. Ever so often she blew out a heavy puff of air before looking at the small alarm clock on her nightstand again. Three more minutes before she could go outside. Once a day, she was allowed to go out for a run. Ruby always joined her. Of course they were always being watched and weren't allowed to leave the fields, but it was physical activity. Better that the yoga classes they gave once a week.

When there was a loud humming sound, Emma got up from her bed and quickly made her way over to the main hall. Ruby was already there, her room being closer to the entrance of the hall. Just when they wanted to go outside, Blue called them back.

"You can't go outside. Unexpected room search. Everyone stays inside."

"What? No! You can't do that!" Ruby exclaimed.

"I can and I will." Blue said sternly. "Now go. And Emma, behave."

The blonde grumbled and huffed. How dare she? The two hours a day they were allowed to go outside and do whatever they please was just taken away from them. She wanted to yell at Blue, but thought better of it. After all, God knows what the consequenses would be? Last time she flipped out on Blue, she had gotten a night in isolation.

So the blonde and the brunette made their wat over to where the other patients were sitting. Playing mindless boardgames or reading. Some were doing nothing and a few were begging the supervisers to please unlock the piano.

Chopin was being played, the speakers in every corner of the room. Clearly frustrated, Ruby said she was going to pick out a book and without waiting for an answer, she left.

With a sigh, Emma plopped down on the sofa and smiled a bit at Henry, who was sitting opposite to her on the floor. He was taking notes on something.

"What are you writing, kid?"

He immediately covered his writing with his hands. "Top secret, Emma!" He said, a serious look crossing his round face. "It's for my new operation."

"What operation?"

He seemed to think for a while. Debating if we could trust her or not. He flashed a wide smile then. He signaled for her to come closer. Emma got up from the couch and sat down next to the boy.

"It's called Operation Cobra."

"Cobra? Why Cobra?"

Henry huffed. "Cobra's are cool. Anyways, I might need some help. You are allowed to go through almost the entire building, right?"

"Yeah. why?" Henry looked around before handing her the notes. His handwriting was barely readable, but the blonde got what he meant.

"You want me to steal from Blue? Kid, what the hell?"

The boy rolled his eyes and snatched back his notes.

"Just one file."

"Henry, no, that's wrong. Would you want a stranger to look into your files?"

Henry just looked at her for a second before shaking his head. "This is different. Now go, I have preperations to make! Shoo!" He waved his little hand and Emma smiled.

"Alright, alright."

"Oh! And Emma?"

"Yes?"

"Don't tell anyone, okay?"

The blonde saluted and sat back down on the sofa, just watching the boy write down whatever he was planning. She then looked out of the large window. The weather was nice. Barely clouds in the air and the sun shining brightly. Gods, she hated Blue. Two hours doing nothing. She needed her daily run.  Needed to sport away all her energy so she could focus. Focus on getting better so she could get the hell out of here.

Now, don't mistake her, she loves it here. Most of the time anyways. She was friends and people she conciders family, but she doesn't have the freedom she needs in this place. She can't decide what she wants to eat, or when she goes to bed. Or when she can go outside or what she wants to do. She's stuck.

As the minutes ticked by, Emma found herself getting more irritated. Why didn't they do the unexpected room search during a rainy day? Or during breakfast or something.

 So she just sat there. Watching. Doing nothing.

She hadn't even noticed the new girl walking in until she sat down next to her.

 

 

She just came back from her appointment with a dietitian. However friendly, the woman was treating her like a child. Talking about basic healt care and why this is healthy and that is not. Things she already knew. Dr. Hopper had told her that she would get six hours of food education a  week and fourteen hours of therapy. Way too many.

She walked around the corner and came to face the main hall. All the patients were sitting there and it made Regina's skin crawl. She did not belong here. She had her issues, yes, but she wasn't mentaly uncapable.

Wrapping her arms around herself, she stepped in, her sock-clad feet padding softly againt the linolium floor. She made her way over to the fauteuil that had become somewhat of a regular spot to her. She saw Henry in front of the couch next to her, and a blonde on it. The blonde looked at her with something akin to surprise and Regina looked away immediately. The brunette curled her legs beneath her and leaned against the arm of the fauteuil.

It wasn't long before Henry was chatting to her. He made her uncomfortable. His chatter too cheerful, always expecting an answer or a reaction of a sort. She hated it. No matter how endearing the boy was, she would prefer it if he left her alone.

"Emma come here!" The little brunet said. The blonde looked at him with a confused frown before getting up and kneeling next to him. Regina squirmed, feeling quite cornered.

"What is it, kid?" Emma looked up at the brunette maybe a bit too long to be subtle before looking at Henry again.

"Regina, this is my friend Emma." Emma looked up again to see her reaction, but the brunette's face remained passive.

"Emma, this is Regina." Henry continued.

"I know. Blue introduced her. What about it?"

Henry rolled his eyes as if it was obvious.

"Regina needs friends. I mean, she has me, but she needs a lady friend."

Emma could hear Regina swallowing hard and grimaced.

"Kid, you can't force people to be friends."

"Have you ever talked to her?"

"Well, no, b-"

"See?! You don't even know if you like her or not. Talk to her. Plus-"  he leaned close enough to her so he could whisper in her ear. "It's for Operation Cobra."

Emma just pouted. 

"I'm right here, you know." Regina said in a raspy voice.

Henry just grinned before hugging the brunette awkwardly and rushing off, leaving the two girls alone. Regina's first response was to crawl farther into the fauteuil. Emma just huffed.

"I'm sorry about Henry." She said with a tiny smile. "He can be quite overwhelming."

Regina just nodded her agreement. Her silence was followed by more silence and it was becoming very, very uncomfortable.

"So.." Emma said, scratching her upper arm. "Come here often?"

It was a sleazy joke, she knew. But it was all she could think of. She wasn't good in smalltalk. Let alone when the other wasn't talking at all. The tiny brunette just gave her an unamused look before looking down, pulling at a hangnail. 

"...I'm here because I'm delusional." Emma said after another awkward silence. 

Regina's head snapped up, looking at her so intensely that Emma felt like a small child again.

"So? And now you expect me to say why I'm here?"

"Well.. Kinda? I don't know. I'm just try'na talk, I guess."

"Regina looked down again, working her jaw. She was clearly debating on what to say, but the longer the blonde waited, the more she became certain that the brunette wasn't going to say anything.

Sighing, Emma mumbled a quick 'bye' and made her way over to where Ruby was reading, not waiting for a reaction.


	6. Chapter 6

**Graphic mentions of suicide. Please be warned.**

**Italics are flashbacks. This will be so during the entire fic.**

* * *

 

She had no idea what time it was. The curtains were closed and there was no clock in her room. Nurse Kathryn had briefly come in for the second time quite a while ago, checking her sleeping pattern. Regina always pretended to be asleep, knowing that they'd prescribe her even more medication should they know about her sleeping problems. They always came three times during the night. Nothing special, just peeking in through a crack before locking the door again.

Ever since they'd caught her going to the bathroom to vomit at night on the fourth day out of isolation, they'd put some kind of bucket in her room. So should the need to use the bathroom arrise, she wouldn't have to leave her room. They'd just lock her in like an animal.

Turning on her back, the brunette let out a long breath. Her stomach was sending sharp pains through her system. Though she had gotten quite used to the hunger pains and gastric problems that came with not-eating, it still prevented her from being able to lie in a comfortable position. Sighing, she threw off her covers and got out of the bed, having to lean against the wall for a moment to stop the room from spinning. Once her head cleared considerably, she made her way over to the window. It was so...Ugly. Every god damn thing about this mental hell hole was ugly. The rooms, the garden, the barbed wired fences, the security systems everywhere... She hated it. She could honestly say that she would rather be at the hospital where she was brought to after, as her mother calls it, 'the incident'. Snorting, Regina shook her head. Her mother was good at pretending that her daughter's problems weren't so serious. 

 _Incident my arse._ She thought. _I_ _think slicing my wrists hardly qualifies as an incident._

Letting her head fall softly against the window, she closed her eyes. Thinking about her attempt made her feel worse. The second she woke up to the persistent, steady beeping of the heart monitor, she knew her life was over, just not in the way that she had planned on. The worst thing? It hadn't been her first attempt either, but it had been the most thorough one.

The first attempt had been when she was fifteen. She had been about to step in front of the train when she was pulled back just in time. She'd gotten nothing but a broken collarbone out of it.

The second attempt had only been two months after that. Her mother had barely given her attempt a second thought. She'd talked about weaknesses and being pathetic. It had made Regina finally realize that Cora Mills was nothing but a sociopath. So Regina had been very focused on finding a way to snuf it. She started hoarding pills: from painkillers to sleeping meds to her mother's weight loss pills to her mother's other pills that she didn't even recognize to... and so on.

Unfortunately, her mother had found her not minutes after taking the overdose. Cora had, with disgust clear on her face, plunged two fingers deep down her throat and took as many pills out of her daughter's body as she could. Once sure that there was nothing left, (seeing that the tiny brunette had no food inside her body anyways) Cora pushed her too thin body off of her and left her there. Probably to get a stiff drink, or something like that.

After that day, when the liver and kidney pains had finally subsided, Cora had kept a close eye on her, and not in a loving, motherly way, No. It had been scrutinizing and judging. It had been a time filled with dissapointed looks and painful bruises on her paperlike skin. Her mother had known what had driven her to this point. She had known and not batted an eye.

The third attempt had been completely different. It had been bolder and more obvious. That might have been her mistake though, but at the moment, it had felt extremely liberating.

 

_So this is it. Third time's the charm. Sitting on the ground, the small brunette looked in front of her. She had everything she needed at her disposal: a sharpened kitchen knife, her notes, her phone and an empty, motherless house. Picking up her phone first, she dialed her mother's number. While the phone rang, her heart was beating in her throat, suffocating her in a way. But the adrenalin made her practically vibrate._

_"Cora Mills speaking." Her mother's voice rang out coldly. Regina's voice caught in her throat._

_"Hello?"  Her mother called out, sounding annoyed._

_"Mother" Regina was finally able to say. She patted herself on the back for sounding so strong._

_"Regina." The tone was flat, as if saying her daughter's name alone was a burden enough. "What is it? I'm busy."_

_"..I hate you." Regina spat out after a long pause. "I hate you with every ounce of my being. You are a selfish, terrible, fucked up mother. I-"_

_"Regina Maria Mills! What's the meaning of this!?" She could practically see her mother's fuming face in front of her._

_"Just stating the truth." The young brunette said. " How could you?! You were supposed to protect me but you just let it happen and blamed me! You've never cared about me. Or my father. You're vile!_ _"_

_Cora was speechless. She knew her daughter to be obedient and meek. Not this.. this ballsy person._

_" If I could, I would kill you."  Now, she didn't know where that had come from, and she was a bit shocked by her own words. But what did it matter? "You don't deserve to be a mother."  And with that, she hung up. Taking a deep breath, she hurled the phone against the wall, causing it to shatter into a satifactionary, many pieces._

_Now standing, chest heaving, she finally let the tears fall. Feeling lightheaded because of the lack of food and water in her body, she was forced to sit back down. She hadn't weighed herself in a while. She used to do it multiple times a day. But now, nothing what she did mattered anymore. She guessed herself to be around the thirty kilograms now. God knows what she must look like._

_Taking off her shirt, she paused. This is it. This time she wouldn't fail. She couldn't. Her mother would beat her into a coma should she survive._

_Inhaling through her nose, the brunette took the knife into her right hand and put in on her wrist, not applying pressure yet. The knife was heavy, as if it was begging to be dragged into the delicate arm. As if it wanted to be soaked with blood._

_Lifting the knife, she tilted it until the point was pressed right below her palm. The blade was already breaking through skin, and it was intoxicatingly painful. Letting out a mingle between a laugh and a sob, she dragged the knife down._

_She hadn't expected for it to hurt this much. After all, she used to cut herself pretty often, and pretty deep at that. Maybe it was just all the pent up pain that now streamed through the pulsing blood. Pulling the knife from the wound with a gasp, she put the point back at the beginning, and dragged it down again with more force. She couldn't contain the scream that erupted from her throat when the edge scraped bone._

_Dropping the knife, she felt herself keel over. Now on her side on the middle of the floor, she curled up, knees tucked against her chest._

_It was strange, the literally feel the life force fading from your body. She could feel the pulsing of her blood slowing, her heart had trouble keeping up and before she knew it, she felt everything fade into the much desired nothingness._

 

She startled when she heard the lock of her door juggle. Blinking a few times, she turned to see Kathryn peeking in and frowning when she saw the patient up.

"Hey." the blonde whispered, walking in and closing the door behind her. Regina just looked at her for a second before looking outside again. A few, teeny tiny raindrops started to tap against the window, and all it did was make the brunette hurt more. She loved the rain, and being pent up in here made her realize that she probably would never get the chance to enjoy it ever again.

"Why are you up?" Kathryn sat down on the foot of the bed and Regina sighed, turning to her and sitting back on the bed, opposite of the blonde. She tucked her knees in and leaned against the wall, arms wrapped protectively around her middle.

"I woke up from a dream." She lied. "I'm fine."

Kathryn sighed. "Listen, Regina. Everyone here wants to help you, okay? There's no need to sugarcoat things, or hide things, or lie... I know you don't sleep." Regina's gaze snapped up. "Though you're good at pretending, I've been doing this job for years now. I know you are awake every time I check on you, so no more lying about that, okay?"

Though her voice was soft and gentle, Regina felt like she was being scolded. Kathryn saw the panicky look in her patient's eyes and placed a hand on Regina's knee.

"Want to tell me why you were standing by the window?"

"For other reasons than not wanting to be locked up and being outside instead, no, not really."

Despite knowing that there was more to it, Kathryn let it go.

"Alright then. Try to get at least some rest, okay?" The blonde got off the bed and made her way to the door. When she was about to open it, Regina's barely audible 'wait' made her turn around.

"What time is it?"

Smiling a bit, the blonde looked at her watch. "Ten to five in the morning. You have a while till breakfast. Nurse Mal will help you get ready for the day."

Nodding, the brunette looked down. Kathryn took that as her que to leave. It was only after she heard the click of the lock, Regina let herself cry.

* * *

Breakfast was the worst meal of the day. She could easily go days without food and not be hungry. But if she ate breakfast, even just one bite, her stomach would already be cramping by noon. Nurse Mal had helped her shower, this time she hadn't looked away. When Regina had asked her to please do so, the tall blonde had sighed and explained that she had to be under full supervision. Mal had also helped her dress, much to the brunette's dismay. Should she be able to ball her hands into fists, she would have. Her hand still hurt after breaking it that first day out of isolation, and putting pressure on it wouldn't be much help. So the blonde had helped her put on her gown and socks. When the nurse had started to help her into her way-too-big cardigan, Regina had snatched it out of her hands and pulled it on by herself, frustration visible on her face. Mal had inquired after her sudden reaction but Regina hadn't said a word. Neither had she while praying.

When she saw the food that Tink had gotten her, she nearly burst out laughing.

Bacon and scrambled eggs, orange juice, and two slices of brown bread with butter.

Regina looked at Nurse Tink, raising an eyebrow, hoping to get at least an explaination. If they expected her to eat all this, they were dead wrong. And if they thought that she was going to wash away her medicine with orange juice, she would rather swallow them dry. She knew it wouldn't be long before several nurses would go around and give everyone their medication. Some had none, others had tons of them. Regina had to take antidepressants, which were pretty obvious. With that she had 4 different vitamins, two paracetamol and one stomach acid reducer. She had noticed right away that the pills had some nasty side effects. They meddled with her mind. She would grow hazy sometimes. A hazyness that had nothing to do with her anorexia.

"Regina." Tink pushed. "Eat. You can't take your meds on an empty stomach."

"Then maybe you should have gotten me something edible." She mumbled. The nurses surrounding her sighed.

"This is an average breakfast. Some might say small. And you don't have to eat all of it."

"..How much?"

"At least one sandwich -with butter- and half of the eggs."

"No."

"Yes, Regina." Mal said between bites. "We're not going to argue about this. You're not to leave your seat until you've eaten the minimum and drunk your entire glass of juice."

"You can't do that!!" She exclaimed, attracting quite the attention. "You can't" She repeated in a calmer tone.

"Actually we can." Tink said. "Regina. This is for your own safety. Not to bully you."

"..Then I'll guess we'll be sitting here all day." Regina said, not looking up from her plate. It was mocking her. Mocking her body and mocking her mind. She wanted to throw the plate and it's wretched contents on the floor but god knows what would happen if she did. Would they put her back in isolation? Would they force feed her? Tie her to a bed and put a tube in her body? She involuntairy shivered at the mere thought, something that the nurses noticed.

"You cold?" They didn't seem surprised, Regina noted. Of course she would be cold. She had no fat to keep her warm.

"No."

"Okay. Do tell us when you are.  Things like that are easily fixable."

The brunette just nodded.

Gods, she was angry. She wanted to be angry. But her appointed nurses were nice to her and seemed genuinely to care about her wellbeing. Thing is, it would be so much easier for them not to care. To just let her continue her self destructive habits. Because what good was there in getting better? Her mother had made clear that she didn't want anything to do with her anymore. She had no one else. Her father had died when she was only nine, and friends, she didn't have. A change at getting a job was also pretty much ruled out now...

Biting her lip, Regina kept staring at her plate. Staring and staring and staring until nausea began to crash over her in waves. Paling rapidly, the brunette tried to get up, but only managed to turn her body before she started to dry heave. There wasn't anything left in her system and the heaving made her throat ache.

All attention was on her all of the sudden. Both the staff and the patients were now standing to see what was going on. Mal was the first to act. Hauling Regina up by her middle and helping her from her seat. Tink was with her a blink of an eye later. It was a surreal sight really. A tiny, underweight child struggling for air while she was being held up by two nurses for all to see. It didn't take long for chaos to errupt throughout the dining hall. Regina didn't notice any of it. The only thing she could focus on was the panic that was seizing up her airway. Nausea scared her. It meant that she was either going to faint because her body just couldn't keep up anymore, or it meant that she was facing expectations she knew she couldn't reach. Couldn't even think of doing.  
Next thing she knows, she's drifting away.

* * *

Emma had no fucking clue about what was going on. Out of nowhere, the noise in the hall had triplicated. People were starting to rise to see what the fuss was about. Frowning, Emma looked at Ruby, who just shrugged and stood, too. The brunette was tall and could easily see what was going on. Sitting back down, she huffed.

"It's Regina. She's having some kind of panic attack."

Emma stood up, chair scraping against the linoleum floor. She could see the tiny girl being held up by two nurses, a third rushing their way from outside, syringe in his hand. Emma doesn't want to see what's next. She knows the drill. When she just came here, she'd had a lot of sedatives. The dreamless sleep was nice, but the long needle in your neck and the icy liquid burning through your veins less so.

While Regina got scooped up bridal style, Blue was trying to regain some order, succeeding once Regina was out of sight.

 

Surprisingly, Regina was in the main hall that afternoon. She was sitting in her usual spot, curled up and eyes drooping as she placed her head against the armrest. She was looking around, much like she always did. Emma noticed the way her eyes would linger on the piano, and then on the door.

"Hi Emma!"

Turning around, the blonde saw Henry rushing over to her, papers firmly tucked under his arm. Seemed like Operation Cobra was still running.

"Hi kid." Emma said, giving half a smile. She hadn't slept well. Nightmares had haunted her, as they did most nights, but last night they had been pretty violent.

"So. Have you thought about-"  he leaned in closer. "-the operation yet? You in?"

The blonde sighed. "I don't know, Henry. I'm not sure if it's a good idea..."

"Of course it is!" He grinned. "I might get Tink to help me. With her magic we could easily get into the Blue Fairy's office."

"Lemme think about it, okay?"

Henry groaned, but nodded. "Okay. Fine. But you're the savior, Emma. We need you."

Emma just nodded, letting the boy rant about some more theories that he'd come up with without really listening to him. When he suddenly grew silent, Emma frowned, turning to see what had silenced him. Following his gaze, she couldn't help but sigh his name.

"She's hurt." He muttered. His eyes were fixated on Regina, who had fallen asleep. Her sleeves had rolled up while she had unconsciously moved, leaving blotchy scars for everyone to see.

"Henry.. This- This is something you're too young for to understand."

"How so?" He still hadn't taken his eyes off of the scars, and in all honesty, neither had Emma.

The blonde had her fair share of scars. Some self-inflicted, but not to this extend.

"You have to wake her."

"What? Why?" Emma asked confused. Regina had been sedated earlier. It was a surprise she wasn't in her room. So why not let her rest here? It would be unnecessary to wake her.

"Cause you have to talk to her."

"I'm sure she has plenty people to talk to, kid." Emma had no idea why she didn't really want to talk to the brunette. Sure, she didn't have a lot of social skills, but she usually would be able to keep up a conversation with a stranger. But the last time she had spoken to the girl, it had felt off. As if the brunette wanted her to stop talking, but also not.

Shaking her head, she turned to Henry.

"You can wake her up. You're her friend, right?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Then wake her up." She snapped. Maybe she shouldn't snap at Henry. He was young and still naive.  He didn't know what self harm was. But she had no idea why he was so obsessed with getting her to talk to Regina. 

Suddenly, the brunette in question startled awake. She frowned, looking disorientated. Knowing how much that sucked, especially after getting sedated, Emma made her way over to Regina.

"Hey." She said, leaving enough distance between the two. Regina just looked at her. Emma scratched her neck.

"You, eh. Looked confused." Suddenly her reasoning to go over to the brunette seemed very, _very,_ stupid. "Okay, that sounded weird. I just- Ya know. You were sleeping and then your sleeves crawled up and Henry saw and told me to wake you up but then you woke up by yourself and looked kinda lost sooo....." She trailed off, her tongue feeling really awkward in her mouth right now. Regina immediately pulled at her sleeves, pulling the hems over her palms.

"Those were deep." Emma says and damn, she really has to learn how to be more sensitive because this isn't going well. And indeed, Regina's walls went flying up.

"None of your business."

"I- I know that. But, ya know. I have 'em too. So. No biggie." Jesus Christ, could this get any worse?!

"Just leave." Regina snapped, clearly irritated. Emma, thought a bit perplexed, nodded, and walked off, wondering what exactly had just transpired.


	7. Chapter 7

"Regina?"

"hm?"

"You zoned out again."

Dr. Hopper was sitting on the edge of his chair, notepad on his lap and hands folded together in front of him. He tilted his head, examining her.

She was currently lying on the couch in his office, curled up. Pongo, Archie's dog, had it's head on her arm while she petted him absentmindedly with her other. Pongo was a therapy dog. Whenever Archie was here, so was the Dalmatian. It had a calming effect on most patients, and sensed distress and panic.

"Oh."  Was all Regina said, not taking her eyes of the now-sleeping dog. It was dreaming, she saw. It's nose would twitch ever so often and barely audible whines would escape it. She wondered what it was dreaming about. Was it pleasant? Because if so, she would gladly trade.

"Regina." Archie said again, voice somewhere between a plea and a sigh. She wasn't responding to him.  "You've been out of isolation for two weeks now."

"Twelve days." The brunette breathed, still not looking at him.

"Right. Twelve days. So almost two weeks. Can you tell me how that has been?"

The girl finally looked at him, even though it was for a split second. "You asked me this yesterday, too."

"Yes. But yesterday I didn't get an answer."

"Now you won't either. I don't know how it's been."

"Explain."

"I- I just don't know."

"Okay." Archie nodded. "It's alright not to know."

"Is it? Isn't 'not knowing' a sign of how my brain can't keep up without food and water?"

Archie kept quiet, waiting for her to continue. When nothing came, he spoke. "Is that what you think, Regina?"

"I don't know what to think. My dietitian said it to me."

"But you don't believe her?"

The girl in front of him kept quiet, petting Pongo. When she shifted a bit, he noticed something.

"Regina, can you stretch both your arms please?"

"Why?"

"Just do it, please."

With a frown, she sat up, waking Pongo in the progress, and stretched her arms.

Archie sighed. Regina's left wrist was black and blue.  A few of her scars were highly visible beneath the cardigan.

"Okay. Thank you Regina." She just laid back down in her previous position and extended a finger to Pongo, who immediately came to her side again.

When Archie exhaled deeply, the brunette looked at him.

"Regina, can you tell me what happened to your wrist?"

"What part of my wrist?"

"The bruises."

Regina turned back to Pongo, who was waggling it's tail happily at her attention. "I don't- really do it on purpose. I mean, I don't think about it. It just happens."

Nodding, Archie wrote it down. "And what 'just happens', Regina?"

"I hit my wrist against objects, I think."

"You think?"

"I can't think straight."

"Oh?" He frowned. "Enlighten me."

Regina shook her head. "It's the pills."

"How about what your dietitian said. Do you think that has something to do with it, too?"

Regina glared at him. She stopped petting Pongo, earning a high whine.

"You don't believe me?"

"No, Reg-"

"When I say it's the pills, the pills you force on me, you don't believe me but immediately turn to my 'disease', blaming me and not your stupid medication."

"That's not it." Dr. Hopper said firmly. "That's not what I meant. I was just trying to put more options on the table. And if you think it's because of the pills, you just have to explain and I'll see what I can do to help it, alright? No one's here to judge you."

Regina scoffed.

"You think otherwise?"

"Everyone judges me. And the ones who don't, pity me. I don't know what's worse."

"What makes you think they're judging you?"

The brunette stayed silent, peering at the clock.

After about seven minutes, she spoke "Our session is over." She said, but didn't make a move to get Pongo off of her.

"We'll continue this tomorrow, then." Dr. Hopper pushed the small blue button on his pager and started to file away his notes.

Nodding, Regina petted Pongo's nose, waking it up. She knew she had to wait until a nurse would come in and walk her back to the main hall. It only took a minute for nurse Mal to knock on the door. The blonde greeted the doctor with a nod and put a hand on Regina's back, guiding her out. They walked in silence until they reached halfway.

"Your mother called." The nurse said casually. She got the reaction she needed. Regina tensed up immediately and stopped walking.

"What did she want?" The girl was digging her nails into her skin but didn't seem to be aware of it.

"She wants to see you. See how you're doing."

"No she doesn't" Regina said as she started walking again. "Why would you say that?"

"What makes you think she didn't call?"

"Because the last time I saw her she threatened to kill me if she ever saw me again." It was said so casually that Mal wasn't sure if she meant it or not.

"Does your mom often make threats like that?"

"Mother doesn't want me. I made sure of that."

Frowning, Mal slowed down their pace, hoping she could get some more information on the girl's mother. Ever since the phrase 'I'll be good'  had fallen from those chapped lips, the blonde had known that some kind of abuse had been inflicted on the brunette. And right now, her mother seemed to be the main suspect. Who calls their mom 'mother' when they are close? No one, right? 

"Care to elaborate?"

"I think two hour sessions a day with dr. Hopper are enough."

Nodding, Mal kept quiet, knowing she'd have a good talk with Archie later.

Right before they got back in the main hall, she turned to Mal.

"Do you-" She turned away for a second before focusing on the nurse. "Do you think I can get some cigarettes around here?"

"You smoke?" Regina nodded. "I'd have to ask Blue for your schedule. There are breaks for a smoke."

"I don't have money here." the brunette said. "How would I pay?"

"Well, there's a notebook in Blue's office. There she writes every expense that was made for patients. We'll just write down what you spend and at the end of the year, you'll pay it back."

"End of the year?"

Mal nodded. "The 29th of December, everyone pays their extra expenses, like cigarettes or extra bedding or stuff like that."

"Oh. And when can I get them? The cigarettes I mean."

"I'll see. How many did you smoke a day? Not too many I hope?"

Regina looked down, and Mal immediately felt bad for the girl. "a pack a day. Sometimes two, sometimes just half a day. Depends. Why?"

"Patients are allowed two cigarettes a day." Mal said softly. Being a smoker herself, she knew how hard it was to stop. It must be harder when life continues to throw shit at you and you just try to keep your head above the water. The girl most likely hadn't had a smoke in five weeks now. Maybe longer, considering she had been in another hospital for a while. Maybe then starting small wasn't that much of a change, the nurse thought, but the brunette's face told her another story.

"Only two? Wh-What kind of bullshit is that?!"

"Regina-"

"Never mind." The brunette, clearly frustrated, opened the doors to the main hall and ignored Mal sighing her name. Inside, she walked over to the window and sat down in front of it, ignoring the dull ache that pounded through her body. The floor was hard and cold and with no fat to cushion her weight, she sat on her bones and skin. She looked at her bruised wrist. She had no idea when she had started doing on. Only that when she started, she couldn't stop. She had read about it. The term 'wrist banger' rang sharply through her head. Gods, she hated labels. Depressed. Anorexic, Personality disorder, anxiety... You name it. It was like this titel was branded on your forehead for the world to see. The proof that you could never fit in society because you're not up to society's standards.

She startled when someone startled screaming right in her ear. She hadn't even heard the person approach. She shot upright, head spinning as she did so, having to steady herself against the window as she saw who had scared her.

It was a woman knows as M.C. She was quite big. _fat._ Regina's mind scolded. She could barely talk. Only make noises. When she spoke, it was always impulsive cussing. She had no idea what the hell was wrong with the strange woman. Regina had seen her being led away in a straightjacket many times. Mostly in the evenings when she refused to go to bed.   
A nurse she had never seen before rushed towards them, guiding M.C. away as she shot Regina an apologetic look. The pixie-haired woman was talking to M.C. in hushed voices, the other woman giggling all the way until they were out of earshot.

The brunette's heart was beating rapidly in her chest, banging against her ribcage.

She could really use a cigarette right now.

Or twenty. Whatever.

Taking a few deep breaths to steady herself, she made her way over to her usual spot. No one was there yet. Usually, the blonde and the boy, Henry, and sometimes others, too, would sit on the couch opposite to her. Even though they didn't really talk to her that often, being looked at made her feel even more self conscious.  Looking at the clock above the entrance, she saw that it wasn't long before lunch began. She hated the middle of the day even more than breakfast. First two hours of Hopper, then lunch and then at 3 she had food education. Or rather letting her dietitian tell her things she already knows and being weighed.  As if she didn't know she was underweight. But that was the point. She didn't need someone to tell her how unhealthy it was. She knew all about it. She was doing it.

 Not that that mattered to the others. She was ill in their eyes. Mentally unstable. And they all acted like it was her own fucking fault.

* * *

Emma had been absent at breakfast. At lunch, too. Nurses and security were searching the grounds for the blonde. The had been since they had found the blonde's room empty. It wasn't the first time the blonde had tried to run away. She had even succeeded once. Stealing the keys from the nurses' office at night and taking off. It had been two days before the blonde had returned on her own. Why, they still didn't know.

Emma was some kind of thrill seeker. Always looking for trouble. Wanting that kick of adrenalin.

At least that is what the doctors had thought at first.

But recently they'd discovered that the blonde ran away because that's what foster kids do, right? Emma had confessed that she thought of the hospital like a foster home. People waiting to be taken back into the real world, all locked up in the same place. Different mothers and fathers that would look after them. Or tell them what to do. And sometimes it would be too much at once for Emma.

Mary Margaret and David were her previous foster parents. Because Emma Swan was an orphan.

_But Emma, we love you! How can you say that? We are your parents!_

The blonde hadn't believed the DNA tests. She had accused them to be liars. They just wanted her for themselves.

So with the patient's increasing running instincts, they really had to take some privileges away. Since Emma Swan behaved most of the time and wasn't a danger to herself and others save for rare occasions, she was allowed more freedom. She could enter the kitchens, go to the art room or therapy or the TV room without a supervisor.  But maybe supervision would be a good idea.

They had asked Ruby, Henry, Jefferson, Graham, and even Regina if they knew where the blonde might have run off to, but they all claimed not to know.

When by dinnertime the blonde still hadn't returned, they called the police. They had requested them to come in without anyone noticing, seeing that it might frighten some patients, but of course they didn't. They were all uniform and badge. Sirens on (because a loony escaping is life threatening?) and guns and nightsticks visible from their belt.

Blue hadn't been overly pleased, but had led the two officers to her office, leaving the staff that wasn't out to calm the upset patients.

Bitch.

* * *

Regina was surprised when there was a knock on her door at eight. Usually no one needed her. From eight to nine was recreation. Meaning that, after enlightening the staff, you could do what you wanted: stay in your room, watch TV, play a game, take a walk..

The brunette preferred to stay in her room, wanting to spend as little time in public spaces as she could.

Before she could even get up to open the door, the door opened to nurse Mal. Regina waited for her to speak.

"Want to grab a smoke?"

Nodding, Regina slipped into her slippers and changed her current cardigan for a thicker one. Mal glanced at the scars that were on display but didn't comment. The brunette smiled a bit and walked up to the blonde. Together they walked outside where a small, open cot was built against the fence and outer wall of the building. It looked a bit like a bus stop, but made out of wood. Inside were simple benches.

Regina sat down first in a cross-legged position. Mal sat down on the bench to Regina's left so she could easily see if the girl would try something.

"What brand?"

"Lucky Strike. That okay?" The brunette nodded. Mal took the plastic off of the new pack and tore the sticker on the side off, Once opened, she ripped the silver paper and took one cigarette out. She lit it before handing it to Regina, who took it but scowled.

"Who bought these?"

"Blue did. Why?"

"The filters are too thick and too short. I'll burn my lips."

"You're a filter moker?" Regina  just shrugged and tucked the cigarette between her lips.

Looking at the girl for a moment, Mal dug in her own pockets and took out a small box with rolled cigarettes. She put the tip in her mouth and lit the rolled-close tip, inhaling strongly, letting the fire spread to the tobacco. She took the cig from her mouth and breathed out the big amount of smoke. Regina was a fast smoker, the blonde observed.

"You know." Mal said. "If you'd take it easy, those two cigs you get will last longer."

"I can't smoke slowly."

"Why's that."

"Force of habit I guess."

Nodding, Mal took another drag of her own. It was starting to rain. Heavy drops now falling on top of the smoking cot. The blonde wasn't even halfway done with her cigarette when Regina asked for her second and the rain almost overpowered the sound of their voices.

"You sure?" Mal said loudly. "You only have two and you have an hour to smoke."

"Just give it."

"You'll get it once I'm done. Trust me. You'll be thankful. If you finish your two now, and I smoke my second, you'll only want more."

"Of course I want more. Who goes from a pack to only two cigarettes a day? Now give me the stupid thing."

Regina was clearly upset.

 _Of course._ Mal thought.  _I_ _would be, too. Locked up against your will and have your entire day filled in by someone else. Having to shave with someone watching. Use the toilet while someone's there. Being told you can only smoke two damn cigarettes a day. She's just a teen. Teenagers need to be able to learn to make their own decisions._

But then, Regina's choices hadn't been like a normal teen's choices. But perhaps her life hadn't been like most teen's either.

Sighing, Mal lit the second cigarette and handed it to the brunette, who was now on the verge of tears.

"Why's no one else here?" Regina then asked after a while.

"Well, there aren't many smokers in here. And most of them smoke in the morning. I prefer the evening, though. So I'm alone here most of the time."

"Who says I want to smoke in the evening?"

"Do you?"

"Yes. But that's not the point. I thought I could choose when I'd have my cigs?"

"You can. But this is the only other smokers break of the day and I thought you might want one as soon as I could get you one."

There was silence, and then a soft "Thank you" was mumbled.

Mal smiled.

* * *

"There she is!"

Emma's rain-drenched form was lying on the ground, her gown down covered in mud.

The police's lanterns shone on her body. She seemed to be unconscious, but furtherly unharmed. They carefully picked her up. She must have ran until her body couldn't take it anymore. They were, after all, half an hour removed from the hospital. And that by car.

"Oh Emma."

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> very very short. I'm sorry.

The steady beeping of the heart monitor was the first thing she registered.  Her head pounded, feeling as if her head was bobbing with each drum.

cracking one eye open, the blonde groaned. The light was, however dimmed, still too bright and the pounding in her head worsened.

"Ah" A nurse was fawning over her. "You're awake. Oh no-! Don't move, honey. You have a concussion."

_Concussion? That explains a lot._

Emma tried her very best to block out all the noise in the room but failed miserably.  The sounds only seemed to be getting louder.

"Here." The nurse said, and Emma found herself opening her eyes again. The room was now way darker than half a minute ago, the blinds fully closed. The nurse was holding out a straw and a glass of water. Emma gladly took the straw into her mouth and drained the glass. Her throat ached, probably from the yelling she had done yesterday. Was it yesterday? How long had she been in here?

Deciding that she was too tired and in too much discomfort to care, the blonde slipped back to sleep.

* * *

"Come in!" Archie called from his desk.  Mal opened the door only slightly and slid inside.

"Mal, hello." the redhead said with a smile. The blonde only managed a grimace, Archie immediately sobered up.

"Is there anything on your mind?" He asked. Mal nodded, sitting down on the patient's couch.

"Yes. it's about Regina Mills, your patient." Archie frowned, waiting for her to continue. "There's something that's been concerning me."

"Oh? And what might that be?" He folded his hands together and slightly leaned forwards.

"I believe Regina was abused." She said it bluntly, almost nonchalantly.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well," Mal said a bit unsure. "Somewhere in the first week out of isolation, she said something. I told her to behave, to not try anything while I prepared her for her shower, and she said  _I'll be good._ Now, that might not sound so alarming but it was just-" Mal sighed. "The way she said it made it sound like some sort of mantra. Like something she'd say as a first reaction. I didn't really think much of it back then, only that it was very odd. But she started mentioning her mother. Actually calling her mother _mother_. That's rather odd, too, isn't it?"

Archie just inclined his head for her to continue.

"She told me her mother threatened to kill her."

Archie's eyes shot wide open.

"When? Why wasn't I told?"

"Yesterday. I told her her mother called, which she didn't, by the way. She completely stiffened up and it kind of confirmed by original thoughts. I must add that I don't think her mother was the only one."

"Again, what makes you say that?"

"Haven't you noticed-" Mal said as she got up. "That she reacts differently to men than she does to women?"

Archie swallowed thickly and nodded only once.

"I'll try to talk to her. Keep an eye on her, will you?"

* * *

"Emma, you have to tell us what happened."

"No I don't" The blonde insisted. "I'm old enough to decide if I want to talk or not."

 She was still in bed. Nurse Snow had brought her breakfast, which she was now eating slowly. She didn't really like the woman. She reminded her of her 'mother' and she was way too soft on the patients. Insensitive, too.

"We need to set up a report. It has to be done."

"I want you to leave."

The brunette blanched, looking somewhat offended.

"I said, leave. Leave!"

The woman looked at her for a moment before, thank god, walking out, leaving the blonde alone, frustrated and in pain.


End file.
